Once, I Knew Myself

Twist and try
I hold the sky when I
Run
And fly to the sun
It's so hard
When part of my heart
Says "stay grounded"
But
Pounding my chest
Isn't exactly
The best
Way to address the problem.

Digging to the source
Of the course
Of the stream
I can't scream in remorse
Only sob in,
Gentle
Internal
Discourse.
Yes, that's what I mean
Because dust
Has no sheen
And I must lie fallow
Rust forms a crust
Over what's green.

So I tried
In beautiful, awful
Suicide of the wide-open
Mind
To embrace the side
Which is kind
But I lied when I turned
My face,
Said "I died"
But I yearned for
A peaceful space.

Sleep comes slowly for the weak.

Revolve your ear
To pick up the signal.

Is it a cry for help?
Is it a lover's laughter?
Is it a sonnet, a prose?
Is it a glorious opera?
Is it a breeze rustling the trees' leaves?

Does it bite?
Does it sting?
Does it fight?
Does it ring?
Does it call?
Does it sing?

No matter,
It is now yours
Now and forever.

For music is but one language with many dialects.

Brandish not your mind as a weapon; it will then no longer function as a tool.

Trust My Baby

I'll tell you why baby's crying
She's crying for
The land she's lost
By trust.

I'll tell you why baby's crying
She's crying for
A mother's love
A mother gone
For serving the man.

I'll tell you why baby's crying
She weeps for
Hope crushed by
Her own red-faced contrition

Brings swift opposition.

What does a glass priest do?
He composes an ode to fragility.

What does an iron soldier do?
He learns to love with his weapon.

And what will become of me?
For I am a glass heart trapped in an iron body . . .

Pipeline

Do the do the do the
Do.

The pipeline for the for the
Do.

You want to go to go to
Go.

But the man will kill will kill will
Go.

So don't you run away away
Away.

Stop crying,
Mimicking
My emotion

A feeling robot
Has no friends.

Inoculation,
I have taken the disease
I'll live forever . . .

Learn and Learn and Learn Again

How many times
Have I seen it
In my head reels
Spin over while eyes
Burn bright
And encapsulated in the corrugated
Neurons show
What I’ve hated
Displayed in
High def, sharp breath
Robs my chest
So don’t test my smile
When I jump the turnstile

Because I learned,
And saw,
And learned again
I learned with foes
Families, and friends
I culled and cried
Until their end.
And watched my closest
Dearest, descend.

So pull my sleeve
And watch, bereaved
When the fray
Claws its way
Through the fabric
And stick
Your hand
In the alkaline sand
To hear every grain
In pain, demand.

Because it’s one of those things that you learn,
And learn,
And learn
Again.
And each new instance
Is born of closeness
But reeks of distance
And each new light
Pierces, brighter
Lighter, and louder,
Than the last.

At First

Naught weighs me down but
Way down, I feel a light thread.

Dragging on the ground,
Such a katamari grows.

My encounters are
Rolled into a single thread

The end may finally fray
When I am afraid.

Countdown to Suicide

I hate attention
That’s why I shine
In the space where no-one is looking.

I hate pity
That’s why I cry
In the space where no-one is looking.

I hate to live
So I’ll die
In the space where no-one is looking.

Predilection and Prediction

Gentle vibrations
May conduct the striations
To the cruelest of
These cold destinations

For while fate has a heart
It has no mind to cart
Us to where
We wished at the start

Indeed, she's robotic
And though it's quixotic
I learn to predict her
And she makes me neurotic

No caution may keep
Life's tragedies asleep
And fortune knows best
When to rest.

The Prince and Pauper both
May live
The other’s life
When darkness gives

The glory gift
Of dreams unwanted
That slowly become
Dreams, undaunted.

Listen.

I love you,
So relax!

You're so caught
Up in what
We haven't wrought
That even your thoughts
Are aligned
With keeping or having the good time
And benign they are not.

Of course the part
Of me that's hoarse
From screaming
At the sunset
Is upset at the force
Our lack of discourse
That's discouraged
Our mutual appeal.

I feel confident
But maybe I'm just dumb.

I'm feeling it come on
Incapacitation
By way of frustration.